Everything that i do now i've to consider about you and her..
Even my blog right now,something that is so personal..
The only place i could rely on to voice out my emotions and comments..
As stated "PRIVATE EMOTIONS"
Now,i even have restrictions when i blog..
ALWAYS about YOU and HER..
Have you ever considered how i feel?
I'm a human and i have my own feelings too..
I'm not made of stone..
But just because of all those things that i've to think of,i cant do anything freely..
Sigh..Guess my life is worst than anyone else right now..

I don't mind not letting her know about us..
I don't mind you going out with her..
I don't mind doing everything secretly..
But what have i got in the end..NOTHING..
I kept everything about you and me under wrap..
Even my status with you..

You know,sometimes i feel that i'm worst than a mistress..
At least mistress has her status announced..but i don't..
All these..i don't even mind..
Even when i don't like to share my bf..i said nothing at all..
But one thing that makes me so sad..is because i feel as though i'm someone just to accompany you when she's not by your side..
I don't want to be just a substitute when she's not around..
If this is so..i rather force myself with whatever ways i can think of,just to forget you and not to love you entirely..
Because i feel so cheap..like a used tissue being thrown away..

I might get drunk in club..
People might mistaken me..
But the very last person i hope to mistaken me is you..
Get what i mean?
What other people do out there is one thing..
What i do out there is the main thing..
I can swear with all my guts that i've never cheated on you before..
I wont deny that there are a lot of guys out there trying to woo me..
But i've ever accepted anyone of them..
Friends are calling me to give other people a chance..
But i rejected..and stupidly waiting for you right here..
Because i really hope to have you by my side again..
:'(

You said you missed me..i hope its really true..
You said you will look for me when you book out..i also hope its really true..
But time and time again when you get my hopes up high..you shattered each and everyone of them one by one..
Now..i've totally lost confidence in myself..
I don't know what i can achieve anymore..
I'm scared..i'm really scared..do you know??