Seeing grandpa's health deteriorating each and everyday makes my heart heavier as well..
The way he look..his skin texture..the way he talks..each and every action that he makes..is telling me something..
And that is his remaining days are almost over..
20 years..
20 years of having him by my side..
When i'm afraid of darkness..
All the way till who i am today..
He's always there to protect me..
Grandpa might not be a good husband nor father..
But he is the best grandpa i ever had in my entire life..

Right now..he couldn't even open up his eyes for a minute..
It seems so difficult for him just to open up his eyes to take a look at me..
And what make things worst is..he cant even take in any drink,not to even say food..
He is very hungry..But whenever he had food intake..it just comes out from his nose..which makes it so painful for him..
In the end..he did not take in any liquids at all..
Up till now..its been more than a week since he had any food or water..
Grandpa is trying so hard to live longer..just to see us everyday..
He is fighting so hard for his life..

And yet..healthy people like us took everything for granted..
I did not cherish him when he was still healthy..
Only when he is in this condition that i knew how important he actually is to me..
But too late...time is taking his life away each and every second,just like how the water is flowing down the river..
I wish i could turn back time..or even just freeze the time for now..
So that i can spend ample time with him before he leaves..

So what? So what if people say that there are foul smell from him?
So what if he has fungus on him?
So what if his body is no longer functioning?
So what if it is troublesome to take care of him..
He is still my grandpa..
And he will live on in my heart no matter where he is..

I'm gonna stop working..and stop training temporary..i know i'm gonna regret my decision for giving up the chance of going Nationals..
I know i'm gonna disappoint myself totally..
This is not what i want as well..
But i hardly get any rest at all..
I've totally lost my appetite..and i'm really tired..
Its not easy to stay strong..
Its not easy to hold back my tears..
And its even harder to fake a smile or laughter in front of everyone..
I'm trying my best to be a strong girl..i really am..but sometimes i just cant help but breaking down to tears..
Just cant accept that grandpa is in this state now..
I'm sorry grandpa..I Love You..