These few days i've been crying a lot in the corner of my room..
Whenever i have the time to do basically NOTHING,tts the time when i start to think of stupid stuff..
Anyway..i finally broke down emotionally in front of everyone during training on thurs..
Was really tired..and with the mistakes that i kept repeating,coach made the rest of my team mates take the punishment..
I felt really bad..
And at that moment,i really felt like quitting cheerleading..
It was my passion all along and it has been always my dream to enter Nationals..
But its the amount of responsibility that i have to take for Cheerleading and Work that made me felt like giving it all up..
Maybe its just too much for me to handle everything..
Maybe i'm not even fit to handle such things..
Maybe there are many other suitable people out there for them to choose for..
But just not me..

Frankly speaking,at this point in time,i'm no longer as optimistic as before..
And i can notice that my smile and laughter is fake..
All of the happiness i show on my face is just not to make people worry about me..
Sob..
I really wish to find a day and just go drinking by myself..
Just alone..
Need to figure out wat i really want..
And why the hell am i losing myself..
I'm just...just....breaking into pieces..